Folks Mine
by PPP SSC
Summary: Mia's parents are visiting, but perhaps being near the mercenaries will bring about conflict. Rated T for sex and politically incorrect dialogue. Ike/Soren, Gatrie/OC and promise of Gatrie/OC/Shinon , single Mia, implied Titania/Rhys and Jill/Haar


Author's Note: WARNING: This story contains a fan character named Bella. So there is no confusion, her namesake was a restaurant that used to exist near my house _Bella Luna (_also the title of a song by Jason Mraz, and I'm not _entirely _sure which of the two I was thinking of when I came up with the name)

Folks Mine

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_I have found permanent employment in a mercenary company. They're already treating me like I'm one of the guys. They're a great bunch. I have the pleasure of serving under Ike—the man who defeated Ashnard—son of the legendary Greil. He and I are great pals (yes, dad, that's _all _we are. I REALLY don't think I'm his type)_

_The deputy commander and our priest are great too. The priest is another of my great pals (and yes, dad, that's all _we _are too.)_

_The tactician and staff officer is a bitter little man, but to his credit, he's usually right about fights and judgment._

_There are six other members of the company, including Greil's underappreciated daughter. I feel as if we always have to take the backseat to the men. It's really a shame._

_Well, see you later._

_Your daughter,_

_Mia_

It had been two weeks since Mia had sent off the letter, and she was just now getting a reply. When the reply came, Mia read it. Nearing the end of the letter, Mia's eyes nearly popped out of her head.

_Dear Mia,_

_We are coming for a long visit to the mercenary group, and we will see if we approve of them. If so, you can continue to work for them. If not, we want you to come on home._

_Love_

_Mom and Dad_

"Oh, no…" Mia muttered.

Ike was in the background doing calisthenics, and he happened to hear her mutter of anguish.

"What's wrong, Mia?" Ike asked.

"My parents are coming to visit the group…" Mia groaned.

"So?" Ike asked, "It's always nice to meet the folks of the people employed here."

"So?!" Mia responded, "They are going to JUDGE you, and if they judge that you are not good enough they will… make me come home."

"They can't," Ike said, "You're an adult. If you want to stay with us, you can."

"My parents would never let me. You'd have to _fight my father to the death _to stop him from taking me home, and you can see why this would be problematic…"

"Yeah…" Ike said, "Well then, I guess we'll just have to show them how wonderful we really are."

"More like how wonderful we really… aren't…" Mia said, coming up with a plan.

"Oh, no!" Ike said, "You're not planning to make us act unlike ourselves… you know that could only end in disaster."

"I suppose you're right," Mia said, "We are in such a dilemma."

------

After seven hours of harsh preparation, the fort was finally ready to receive company. It was just in time too. Mia's parents walked up to the fort. Her father was tall and muscular. Her mother was small and demure.

"Hey!" Mia's dad said as Ike walked out to greet them.

"You must be Mia's father," Ike responded.

"Please, call me Alfredo," was the courteous reply. "This is my lovely wife, Bella."

"Charmed, Bella," Ike responded, "Your daughter is an _exceptionally _talented swordfighter, believe me. And I've employed a secretive vigilante and a just plain eccentric hermit who both provide great competition."

"Our daughter says that you two are _friends," _Alfredo pointed out.

"Yeah, she's really fun to be around!" Ike said, "She can pack a wallop too."

"Something smells wonderful," Bella said, changing the subject.

"Oh, that's the roast. Oscar is preparing a roast for tonight's dinner."

"A _man _does the cooking?" Alfredo asked, "Heh… fairy."

Ike swallowed and attempted to shift the discussion elsewhere. "So, let me introduce you to the rest of the group. Meet Mist, Boyd, Titania, Rhys, Rolf, Shinon, Gatrie, and Soren. Oscar's in the kitchen now."

"You're Mia's mom?" Gatrie asked, "You're hot!"

"Thank you," Bella responded.

"As much as I hate his lechery, I have to agree," Shinon said, "What's your name, babe?"

"Bella!" was the response.

"Bella? Apt name," Shinon responded, "Because you sure are a BEAUT!"

"Does he always act like this?" Bella asked hesitantly.

"No," Ike responded, "As you can tell from Gatrie's agape mouth, Shinon almost never behaves this way."

"Please stop hitting on my mom, Shinon," Mia said, "It's creepy and weird and I know she's at least ten years older than you. It's kind of like if you decided to date Ike."

"Ew, _please _do not give me those mental images," Shinon said, unfortunately now suffering from them.

"Thank you, Mia," Bella said, "The blond one was much less creepy."

"Uhh… did you just say Gatrie was _not _creepy?" Mia asked. "Because he's the biggest lecher here!"

"Well, he seemed gentlemanly," Bella said. Bella began to wander off toward Gatrie, to Alfredo's annoyance.

"Bella!" Alfredo said, "If you have an affair with that young man I swear I will leave you!"

"Oh, you're no fun," Bella responded, catching up to Alfredo.

"So," Alfredo began, trying to get back to the topic of Mia's love life, "Mia, how long until you expect Ike to propose to you?"

"Never, dad," Mia responded, "I already told you, I'm not his type."

"How can that be possible?" Alfredo asked, "You're beautiful."

"Yes, I have been told that MANY times by Gatrie," Mia said, "But I'm still not Ike's type."

"What about that Rhys fellow?"

"I don't want to date him…" Mia responded, "I want to date Ike… but…"

"But what? If you want to date Ike tell him," Alfredo said, "You're beautiful, he will love you."

"NO!" Mia responded, "Ike is one of those guys you don't like, dad! Ike is a… he's a fairy."

"He's… no, it can't be… he doesn't act like one at all," Alfredo pointed out.

"Do _I _act like a woman?" Mia asked.

"No…" Alfredo noted, "But how could a fairy be such a charming man? And why didn't he hit on me?"

"Because he's taken and you're old enough to be his dad?" Mia responded.

"Taken!" Alfredo scoffed, "Fairies don't get _taken. _They don't care for monogamy."

"You're spreading lies, dad, and I want you to stop. Ike's boyfriend would be _positively devastated _if he overheard any of this," Mia responded. They were so busy arguing they didn't notice that Bella had left.

"Hey, where's mom?" Mia asked.

"BELLA!!" Alfredo yelled. But by that time she was positively plastered and in bed with Gatrie.

"You're so much better than Alfredo ever was," Bella cried out drunkenly.

"Bella, we better take this elsewhere, lest we be caught by Ike," Gatrie commented.

"Dinner!" Oscar shouted. Ten people came to the table, which was typical, except that tonight there were two guests.

"Hey," Ike asked, "Where are Gatrie and Bella?"

"Gatrie's getting laid by the super hot mom," Shinon whined, "_And they didn't even INVITE ME!"_

"Gatrie should have at least thrown you a bone this time I agree," Ike said, "But… having sex? At this hour? We haven't even had dinner yet!"

Ike barely noticed the contemptuous glares Mia's father was giving him. Soren however, noticed acutely.

"Excuse me," he said, "Do you have a problem you would like to take up with Ike?"

"No," Alfredo lied, "It's fine." He continued to glare at Ike.

"Then why are you glaring at him?" Soren asked.

"I'm glaring at him because he's… because he's…" Alfredo began, but had a hard time finishing his sentence when Soren shot him the same look.

"Doesn't feel good, does it?" the mage asked.

"No," Alfredo said, "You can stop that now. I'll quit glaring at Ike."

"Very well," Soren said, relaxing his face, "Now you tell me why you were glaring in the first place."

"It's because as it turns out, Ike is a _fairy," _Alfredo said.

"Excuse me, I have to go," Ike said, "Mia, can I speak to you in private?"

"Sure, boss," Mia said, following Ike out of the room.

Soren simply stared at Alfredo for several seconds. Nervous tension filled the room. No one dared to speak. Rolf coughed. The inappropriate cries of Mia's cheating mother and her player-wannabe bedmate were the only sounds heard.

In the other room, Ike was yelling at Mia, "Mia! I told you that I'm only _out _to the mercenaries and the elite members of the Crimean court! You weren't supposed to tell your clearly homophobic father!"

"I… couldn't help it," Mia said, "He wouldn't stop bugging me when I just said I wasn't your type… I HAD to find SOME way to get him to shut up."

"Yeah, well, you just screwed yourself over. Your dad hates me, and with your mom and Gatrie making love and Shinon's hitting on her, he won't like them either. And he might, just _might _make the connection between Soren defending me and… you know… and then he won't like HIM either, and then that's FOUR of TEN mercenaries he _can't stand. _And you said he wouldn't let you stay if he didn't approve of us."

"Oh… oh, goddess," Mia said, "I didn't realize…"

"Maybe I will have to fight your dad to the death," Ike said, "Because I sure don't want to lose you over something as trivial as my sexual orientation.

"No," Mia said, "_I _will. If my dad won't accept you for who you are, I'll cut him down."

"You would kill your own father just for being a homophobe? That seems highly unfair," Ike responded.

"Well," Mia said, "Maybe we can get around it."

Back in the room the awkward silence was finally broken. "No," Soren said.

"No, what?" Alfredo said.

"No, I will not stand for it," Soren responded, "I will not have you calling my beloved a fairy."

"_Your _beloved?" Alfredo asked, "You're one to talk!"

"Call me a fairy, fine. I'm small, I'm mischievous (well, socially problematic, but it's similar enough), and I do magic. But you will _not _call _my beloved hero _a _fairy. _Fairies are weak and delicate little annoyances. Ike is not a fairy. IKE IS A GODDESSDAMN GIANT! And you will not speak of him as a weak man ever again or _I will kill you!"_

"You… you… do magic?" Alfredo asked nervously. In all his years of fighting, the one thing he had never managed to do was fell a mage defending his property.

Ike and Mia walked back into the room. Alfredo was visibly shaking. Ike looked at Soren.

"What?" Soren said, "I had to be proactive! He was being HIGHLY offensive."

"What did you do?" Ike asked.

"Just threatened him," Soren responded, "I guess he has a weakness for mages…"

"It's not you," Alfredo whispered.

"What?" Ike asked.

"It's not you. It's not that you're a f… homosexual. It's about Mia," Alfredo said.

"Mia?" Ike asked.

"Yeah. Ever since she decided she was a tomboy I've worried she would never find a man. And then I meet you and you're handsome and charming and nice and you compliment her and you like her for who she is… but, you can't date her because you… like men," Alfredo responded.

"Hey, you know I've met a lot of guys who like tomboys. Titania is a tomboy and she and Rhys are becoming more than friends. My old war pal Jill Fizzart is a tomboy, and I know she and Haar are more than business partners. Heck, even my old war pal Marcia gets plenty. But you shouldn't worry about Mia. She's fine single," Ike answered, "That's what's so great about Mia. She's strong enough for a woman and a man in one body."

"Is it true, Mia?" Alfredo responded.

"Yeah it is," Mia said, "I really DON'T need a man."

"Well in that case, I'm going home," Alfredo said, kissing Mia on the cheek, "Goodbye, my lovely daughter, and good luck."

"Hey, what about Bella?" Ike asked.

"That whore?" Alfredo responded, "You can keep her."

They didn't, obviously. They kicked her out, but not until after that fateful night she had a ménage with Gatrie and Shinon… but that's another tale for another time.

Author's Note: If there is a demand for this "another tale", let me know.


End file.
